Find a Nanny that's Right For Your Family in 6 Easy Steps

Ah Summer-- used to be that I could not wait for it to arrive.  Today, it's making me panic.  Our after school helper is graduating from college and moving on--- which means we need to find someone else to help us.  I suppose I should have thought of this when I hired a college student, but she was so energetic, and friendly and had great experience--- worked at the university pre-school for the last 4 years while studying developmental psychology and was a camp counselor-- she really is pretty great, but alas she is moving on, and now I have 3 weeks to find someone new.  Here's how I plan to do it:

1.  Clearly Define the Position & the Ideal Candidate - this makes it easy to post the job and helps crystalize what type of person you want for it-- it's always easier to find what you want when you know what you're looking for!

2.  Reach Out to Your Network - email your mom friends and let them know you're looking-- they may know someone who's looking or might want to share a nanny as well!  This could be especially handy if you only need someone part time.  Beyond your mom friends you might also try any group lists you are affiliated with-- alumni, PTA, church, etc.

3.  Post the Position - with an online service that provides background checks and more-- I've used Care.com with very good results.  There are other sites out there, try Googling "find a babysitter" and you'll see!  The one that seems to come up most often is sittercity.com-- I'm trying it out now-- so look for a future post 'Sittercity.com vs. Care.com'.

4.  Meet With the Kids - once you've narrowed down your list of potential candidates have a few come in and meet with the kids so you have a chance to see how they interact, and so your kids can help make an informed choice.  Of course, once you hire someone call their references!

5.  Take Time Off Work -- once you've actually hired the person, take some time off work to build your comfort level as well as the kids.  I like to have new hires start on Friday-- because it's easiest for me to leave work early on Fridays-- this way I can meet them at home and take them through the afternoon routine (which I'm hiring the person to handle).  I also like to be around for the second day of work-- and if all seems well the third day they're on their own; but either my husband or I am home early until everyone's comfortable.

6.  Have a Backup Plan - start planning how you will handle not having a nanny on a temporary basis just in case your search takes longer than the time you have allotted.  In our case, it's "Grandma!" to the rescue again!  Thanks mom.

If you have any other ideas or words of wisdom please let me know.

5 Tips on Talking to Your Kids about Drugs

It’s 4:20 do you know what you’re kids are doing?

If you were (or are) a stoner, pot head, or part of the Cannibis sub-culture you know that 4:20 (four twenty) references marijuana.  Contrary to popular belief 4.20 is not the police code for weed.  The term was actually coined in 1971 by “The Waldos” a group of Nor Cal teens who had agreed to meet at 4:20 to search for an alleged pot patch that was too much trouble to be maintained—the patch was never found, but 4:20 was born as code and now is widely celebrated by the counter-culture—who have adopted April 20^th as not only a day to get high, but a day to press for legalization of medical marijuana. 

Will you be “celebrating” today?  Why not use today to talk to your kids about the dangers of drug use?

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1.  Look for "teachable moments" like today 4/20-- or when TV characters are shown "partying" or even when picking up prescription drugs at the store.

2.  Your kids may not want to talk to you about it because they are embarrassed or already "know everything"!  Persist in gentle way-- it's an important topic and it's important that your kids understand the risks drugs pose to themselves or others while they are under the influence.  Let them know you are available to talk about the topic if they ever have questions or feel peer pressured.

3.  DON'T delve into your past recreational behavior.  Sure you may have had a blast doing drugs, but your kids don't need to know all that.  If your kids ask, you can use the opportunity to talk about why you were tempted and the mistakes you made.

4.  Be age appropriate even pre-schoolers can start learning the risks of drug use -- For example, when giving cold medicine you can talk about how it's only taken when you are sick and taking too much is not healthy.  You don't need to overwhelm your kids with all the facts when they are not aware or even prepared to handle them.

5.  If you suspect your child is using drugs-- don't be afraid to intervene and get outside help.  Waiting will not make it go away.

For more tips check out: www.timetotalk.org

5 Tips for Camping With Kids When Mom's Not a Camper!

I just survived a camping trip with the kids--- and I'm not a camper.  After working the grind M-F, the last thing that comes to my mind is the thought of roughing it... BUT, the kids and my hubs LOVE camping and being in the outdoors is beautiful and inspiring.  I can definitely sacrifice a little comfort to see the kids run wild in the wild!  They had a blast.  Plus, it was only for one night!  The perfect amount of time for me.... here's what made it fun and easy despite lows in the 30's overnight!

1.   Campsite less than an hour away-- The Malibu Creek State Park group camp site is perfect.  It's tucked behind a beautiful meadow where deer hangout!  We spotted several and they appear to be more used to people than the average deer as they didn't bolt at the first sight of our screaming children. The site is equipped with a large grill -- perfect for bbq and s'mores too.  And, the bathrooms have hot water!  Plus, plus!  But, the best thing about this site is it's proximity to home-- so you know you could go home easily if anyone has a meltdown -- little ones or working mom!  Definitely a psychological comfort.

2.  Go in a group of experienced campers - we went with several families who we've camped with before-- it was awesome!  The kids entertain themselves and if you forget an essential item; someone in the group is bound to have thought of it!  Also dividing and conquering meals makes for a more delicious feast than you would have dreamed up solo--- back in the day we'd have mac cheese and hot dogs for dinner-- but the camp stoves are better now or something because we've graduated to steak, grilled veggies, and gourmet salads! YUM-- who knew camp food could be soo good.

3.  Be prepared - of course-- isn't that the boy scout motto or something?  Seriously though-- if you are prepared for cold weather or very hot weather whatever the case may be life will be much better.  We knew it would be cold so I packed thermals, turtlenecks, warm jackets, gloves, hats (I wore them all!) and extra blankets.  Since we were ready for freezing weather, we were all able to stay warm and almost toasty.

4.  Remember your kids are not you -- don't project how you're feeling onto your kids.  Just because you're freezing doesn't mean your kids are.... remember they have smaller bodies their blood doesn't have as far to circulate around!  You may need 5 layers of clothes, but they might only need 2-- or maybe they ONLY want to wear their thermals...  Just because you feel like you want a shower, doesn't mean your kids do.  So put on a happy face-- the kids will tell you what they need, and they'll definitely take cues from you on how to react to the outdoors-- you don't want no wimpy kids, right?!

5.  Go with the flow - this is probably the most important thing-- if you're not a "total camper" like me, you have to go with the flow and be supportive of your kids enthusiasm for the outdoors.  I can remember loving camping as a kid!!  Maybe you did too?  If so,  you don't want to rob them of that joy just because you're cold or would rather be in a hotel right?  Plus, where's the adventure in always staying comfortable.... if you don't camp you may never get the experience of spotting constellations from the dinner table,  pitching your own shelter or having a blast outdoors with the kids with only each other and the great outdoors for entertainment -- no electronics-- it's awesome! 

I had so much fun that now, I would actually say I love camping!!!  (but I'm still not a "camper" )

5 Tips On Deciding Who Stays Home With A Sick Kid -- Mom or Dad?

It seems like this flu season will never end-- and my poor kids have caught just about every bug rolling through. As equal as my husband and I like to think our relationship is-- sometimes the kids just want mom. So, how do we decide who misses work for a sick day?

Here's 5 things to evaluate before making the call. Fortunately, my husband and I have been at our current jobs for awhile so we're past the "proving our work" phase... for those not so lucky, that should be a serious consideration.

1. What's on the work schedule-- anything that is absolutely can't miss? If so, the other parent stays home.

2. Who is more able to work from home?  This is tricky though, because, everyone knows working from home with a child who is just sick enough to miss school, but still well enough not to sleep all day is impossible-- especially if you have more than one kid and the healthy one needs after school pick-up and entertainment. Thinking "I can still work from home even if my kids is sick", is one of the many little white lies working moms' try to convince themselves is true. Let's face it, a family sick day should be considered a sick day period. 

3. Will there be a career or financial impact from a missed day? Difficult to judge on this one-- fortunately my workplace is staffed with working moms and dads in top level positions so there is a degree of understanding.  But, if you're the only working mom on your team, you might ask Dad to stay home more to avoid any negative "she's a mom" connotations, as much as it sucks to say that it's a fact you have to deal with.  I used to work at an office where Dads who stayed home were viewed as compassionate, while moms who stayed home were just missing work again.  Only you can be the judge on whether or not one more day will move you to the again category-- if today's that day, insist that your partner help out.

4. If #3 isn't an issue and both parents have to be in the office, think about who wants to stay home? For me, I always want to stay if my kids are sick and sad. I know it's stereotypical and incredibly UN-post-modern, but that's just me. Yes there are LOT of times when Dad stays home or we pass the baton to Grandma due to "unmissable" work events, but when I can, I try to do it, largely due to # 5 below. 

5. Who will feel the least guilty? I think this combined with #1 ultimately makes the call. Can you miss work and not feel horrible for not going to the office--- can you NOT stay home and not be guilt-wracked for going to work?

Once you decide who stays home-- how do you tell your boss-- email or phone call? And how many details?

I usually email and try to restrict details -- no one wants to hear about your kid's bad mood and faucet nose. 

What do you think?  

#AprilFools Should Parents Prank Their Kids: 3 Things to Consider

Today is the big day April 1... my best ever April Fools day joke happened two years ago when I told my boss I was going to quit! I suppose it could have gone horribly wrong... like if he would have said-- great when can you leave? But fortunately, the joke elicited a moment of panic in my boss and sheer delight for me! Best ever....

This year I'm wondering if it's appropriate to play a joke on the kids. Mine are 3 and 6. They may be a little on the young side-- though I think they'd get a kick out of some silly behavior.

Of course I searched the internet for ideas--- and for the most part I found pranks revolve around:

1. Food-- either making it look gross but taste good, or taste like something unexpected, or using food color to make it weird, etc.

2. Rearranging the kids' stuff before they wake up (hilarity ensues)

3. Misleading them -- set the clocks ahead an hour and don't tell them until they get to school, tell them they have school over the weekend, etc... one article suggested putting a for sale sign on the house before the kids came home or bagging up all their toys and telling them they're going to be donated to charity! Either of these two would probably scar my kids for life.

4. Tricks that involve unexpected things happening -- cellophane over the faucet, toilet, etc. These seem like a bad ideas as I'm sure mom would end up doing the clean up--- plus, the toilet thing is just kind of gross.

So after considering all this, here are three things Parents might want to think about before deciding to do an April Fool's Day joke:

1. Keep in mind the age of your kids-- and know what they'll be able to handle without a melt down (i.e. don't bag up the toys for charity if the kids are really young-- especially not MY kids toys!)

2. Consider what the prank may be "teaching" your kids -- misleading pranks = lies can be funny, mom can't always be trusted-- sometimes she lies.... on the other hand if the kids are older, this could be an opportunity to share a good laugh....or not-- what do you think?

3. Avoid pranks that involve "getting" the kids-- either embarrassing them in front of their peers, or having some unfortunate thing happen to them, like getting sprayed with water.... leave those types of things to their peers--- no doubt their friends are already scheming...

For me, I think I'll take this opportunity to share a silly moment with the kids-- something lighthearted and fun--- maybe making eggs that are actually cookies as Family Fun suggests ... or something easier--- serving cereal with green milk?! Or maybe suggesting they put their shoes on the wrong feet?? Yes-- my kids are still at the stage where they are easily amused... anyway, I'm sure I'll think of something relatively harmless...

Open to ideas tho'!

5 Strategies for Working Moms

Being a full time working mom trying to climb the never-ending corporate ladder sucks. It really does. There's the guilt-- guilt over not being present enough for the kids, guilt about walking out of meetings early (who cares if the meeting started at 6), guilt over not having time for my partner, and the guilt over just wanting to spend a moment alone, doing nothing.

I realized on Friday as I sat in my office at 8pm, lamenting another missed meal with the kids, that the modern age is making me a prisoner to my work. We have meetings all day, making it impossible to actually get any actually work done... so thanks to my laptop, my work comes home with me to be finished sometime after the kids go to sleep-- generally between 11p-3a. And even on the miraculous evenings when my computer stays at work, my iPhone never does. So as much as I love my smartphone-- and I really love it-- it is definitely shackling me to the office. Not only am I accessible 24-7 by phone, email empowers everyone to dole out work at any time of day from anywhere. In fact, I sometimes think that my boss takes great joy in emailing work to me while we're sitting in meetings together. The pace of work is so much faster now than when I first started working. But that was in the dark age... people were just getting computers on their desks... anyway I digress. The point is I had this great epiphany, and I've decided to unshackle. I'll never have time for my family or any of the things I really want to do if I don't cut the chord... so here are 5 strategies I've come up with to get my life back. Let's hope it works.

1. Eliminate feeling guilty about not being able to do everything the job demands immediately. The work is never-ending and thanks to the internet it comes at all hours. Just because they have instant access, doesn't mean I have to be instantly accessible. Whenever the guilt creeps up, I will look at my kids' drawings that say "I love you Mom"-- currently prominently positioned by my office phone. I love you too girls. I do not love work.

2. Schedule and protect personal time more vigilantly than work deadlines. This will be a tricky one; it's easy to schedule time for family and others-- but really tough scheduling time for myself. But I'm thinking having a moment to develop personal interests whether it's thinking differently by writing a blog, browsing the newsfeed, or going to the gym-- it'll help to keep my brain growing and just help me be happier.

3. Absolutely do not check work email on the weekend... okay well at least not until Sunday night after the kids are asleep. I'm going to take baby steps on that one... maybe eventually I'll not check until Monday morning very early (1am perhaps?!). Seriously, doesn't everyone deserve at least one totally work free day?

4. Use personal, sick, and vacation days when necessary. For sickness, school events, and whenever the kids need me. Don't make excuses for having a life. Kids are not convenient-- and they won't always be as needy as they are right now... I know I'll be sad when they don't need me as much. :( There will always be another meeting, presentation, pitch, whatever. The kids won't always be the age they are now.

5. Remember, my career is still just a job. My company will lay me off as soon as necessary-- my family can't fire me; even when they wish they could. They will always be a part of me and they really need my time and attention.

Okay that's it. 5 strategies going into effect today...

What to do when you get off work early?

Our company closed at 1 today!  Yay!  So the big dilemma do I go home and hang out with the kids or do I take a couple of hours to myself to do some shopping and have a coffee?  I decided to do a quick shopping trip in search of a new Thanksgiving dress for the little one, I skipped coffee and zipped home.  But I have to say I'm really feeling in need of some quality me time.  

I think womos spend the majority of their time with someone else's needs/expectations weighing on them-- either at work or at home, that it's necessary for a little quiet solo time for some rest and relaxation.  Although being away from the kids does cause a little guilt, I think the benefit of a more relaxed mom is beneficial to all... so next time I get off early I think I'll make sure to work in a coffee break!